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Grocery Shopping in the Roaring 20's - 4/25/20
I used to love grocery shopping. I would make sure I had on a cute casual outfit - I mean, you never know who you might see out. I'd take my time walking through the produce and think about all the salads I said I was going to eat that week and then remember that I hate salad. Then, I'd take a leisurely stroll down the health and beauty aisles. Maybe a new lipstick or that body wash smells nice. Eventually, I'd end up near the frozen foods and have that debate in my mind about how I was going to be good this week and not get any ice cream - oh, but Breyer's is on sale and the carton says all natural! Then I'd bring my groceries home and put everything away and admire my full cabinets and refrigerator.
Now, in the age of coronavirus, I feel like I'm suiting up and preparing for a cross between a third world country and the zombie apocalypse. You pull into the parking lot. Face mask ready. Why did I bother putting makeup on? What a waste. Gloves on. Good thing, since I can't go get a manicure! Store card ready. Credit card ready. Grocery list ready. I can't help but think 2 months ago and they would have either called the cops thinking I was about to rob them or I'd end up in someone's viral video entitled 'Crazy Woman Enters Grocery Store'.
I'm barely to the door and I can't breathe. How do these essential workers wear these masks all day long? I'm in. The maze in the produce department will make social distancing difficult. I plan my route. Going by the deli looks too challenging. Old lady on her phone blocking that aisle by the bagged salads. Good thing I hate salads. I make it through only to find red arrows on the floor. Aisles are one way only. Ok, fine. I'll obey, but it seems like I'm one of the few obeying. Are they going to write tickets out to these people not obeying? I feel like I should get an extra 10% off or something for following the rules.
Snack aisle. Yes! I need snacks. This trip has got me so worked up. Microwave popcorn - my downfall - is all gone. Did someone release a study stating that the oil in microwave popcorn eradicates coronavirus? Who the hell bought up all the popcorn? Ok, fine. I'll just get some almonds. Oh, nice. They're $6.99! Two weeks ago they were $4.99. Ugh, whatever!
Heading over (in the right direction of course) to the health and beauty aisle. Well, no soap still. Good thing I already have some. Hair color. Because, you know, salons are closed. And judging by what's left on the shelves, everyone else is box coloring it too. Root touch up or grey. Not helpful. Let me pick up some Advil. What? No Advil? Not even generic? Did they stop making it or are they hoarding it all in the back of the store? Fine, add it to my ever-growing Amazon list.
Cat food aisle. Now, there's no way this can be picked over, right? WRONG. See, my cats have no idea there is a pandemic going on. They know I'm working from home, but they don't give a sh*t what I have to go through to get their stuff. They like exactly 8 flavors of one particular food and they only have 3 of those 8. Oh, this will be a fun week with those little ninjas. And, to top it all off, there's not a box of cat litter to be had. Why did I even bother leaving the house?
By the time I get to frozen foods, I'm so annoyed that I'm throwing stuff in my basket just to make sure I have SOMETHING to eat this week. That's how I ended up with 5 frozen pizzas and a bag of peas.
Coronavirus, you suck. Seriously, though, thank you to the essential workers doing their best under these difficult circumstances.